Choosing to Sing

Go back the other way: Generous House

Illumina was about to ride off to the front of the party leaving the Prince and his bodily needs to sort themselves out when she saw Nina waving to her from the cart some way back. She turned Cavalla out of the line, off the road and onto the grass and trotted back to see what Nina wanted.

Illumina was still concerned about her. She looked distracted and somehow out of herself. Illumina had known Nina for many years as Nina had been a nurse to her when she was a child. Nina had always been a dependable, if rather dark presence in her life, it was strange to see her disturbed, apparently out of herself, even frightened. She rode up to the cart and asked if she was all right.

Nina said she was and hesitated, looking round as though worried that someone might overhear what she was about to say. Illumina asked again if she was all right. Nina apparently ignored the question and asked what the Prince wanted of her or if she had perhaps just stopped to talk to him.

Illumina laughed, "No I did not just stop to talk to him. Father made it clear, in his presence, that I was to look after him so now he seems to regard me as some kind of body servant." She laughed again, "He didn't come straight out and ask it but I gather his immediate problem is he needs to have a pee and doesn't know what to do about it."

One of the other girls was riding in the cart at the time and listening to the conversation. She burst into peels of laughter, making Illumina laugh again. Nina did not so much as smile. She asked if Illumina had told him about the chamber pot under the bed in the cart.

"No I did not, he did not have the courtesy to say 'please can you help' or 'thank you for coming', and he hasn't a clue what my name is. He's a rude, arrogant prig of a man and so far as I am concerned he can sit there till he bursts."

The other woman burst out laughing again. She said, "I suppose he can't get out of the cart because of those ridiculous shoes. We shall have to watch him and see what he does."

Illumina waved goodbye and rode back to the head of the party, urging Cavalla into a gallop that took them well beyond the leaders. She slowed again to a walk and relished the peace and quiet of leaving the party behind for a while; forgetting entirely about the Prince.

The party caught up and Illumina settled back to a place in the line a little way behind the Margrave and allowed herself to drift off into a half sleeping state, soothed by Cavalla's steady even walk. She was disturbed out of her reverie by mingled shouts of anger and laughter from further back down the road. The Margrave called a halt and rode back to see what the fuss was about. The rest of them stayed where they were.

The Margrave returned after a little while with an expression on his face that was a mixture of amusement and annoyance. Illumina asked what happened, "It seems that Prince of yours needed to pee. He got out the cart in those ridiculous shoes and promptly fell over. He was nearly run over by the next cart in line. It had to swerve off the road almost tipping over in the process and nearly colliding with some of the riders. The riders and the carter were not amused, everyone else thought it riotously funny. Anyway Nina's riding with him and promises to see him all right."

Illumina would have been amused by the whole episode except that she was annoyed by the reference to 'that Prince of yours' and puzzled by Nina's attention to the Prince. She dismissed the concern; Nina was no doubt looking after her by taking on the burden of the Prince.

She chaffed her father, "He's not my Prince, he's your Prince. What do you expect me to do with him?" He rolled his eyes at her and muttered something about 'Jamie songs', which, if anything, pleased Illumina even less than the 'your Prince' remark.

They rode on well into the evening, making camp in the dark at a spot that offered some shelter from the night air. There were inns and villages along the rode but the Margrave preferred to make his own arrangements. His people had a long tradition of migratory living. They moved up into the high mountains in the summer, taking their sheep and goats with them. In the winter they moved down to the lower slopes that were still high by the standard of the King's city, which was at sea level.

In times past, they would raid the lowlands in the early winter and used their ability to move and survive out in the winter's cold as a protection against pursuit. There was still a strong sense that, as a people, they knew how to live and be comfortable in the cold. They made camp, lit fires, set up tents and prepared food. Illumina set up a tent for herself, fetching a narrow sleeping pad from one of the carts. The tent was small and made of thick wool that kept warmth in and wet out. In the deep cold of the winter, the outer surface would freeze but the inner surface remained soft and kept its insulating properties.

Illumina thought, as she put up the tent, that the Prince would no doubt be desperately cold by morning. Perhaps the cold might match his temperament and give him a sense of who he really was. She went back to the fire to help with the preparation of the food. She joined the circle that included her father and two of the singers that started the journey. There were three fires with fourteen or fifteen people round each one. Illumina looked briefly and could not see the Prince, then her father called for a song and she forgot about him.

The Margrave looked at one of the tenors and asked, "What will it be? A song good for the night I think." The tenor smiled and said he would sing 'The Only Son'. This announcement was met with some amount of derision round the circle. Illumina shouting along with the rest, "That's a silly song." The tenor looked at them all and, with a serious note to his voice, he told them to be quiet and listen; being people of Loro they did. He sang:

She dropped the bar, she shot the bolt, she fed the fire anew,
For she heard a whimper under the sill and a great grey paw came through
The fresh flame comforted the hut and shone on the roof beam,
And the Only Son lay down again and dreamed that he dreamed a dream.
The last ash fell from the withered log with the click of a falling spark,
And the Only Son woke up again, and called across the dark:
"Now was I born of womankind and laid in a mother's breast?"

The song was short but slow, it took some time to sing. At the end, Illumina found herself feeling a little restless and she got up and walked round the other circles saying a quiet word here and there mostly just watching the people as they talked and sang in the comfort of each other's company. She went round the last circle before she realized that Nina and the Prince were both missing. She knew where they were and walked over to the cart, walking quietly. She was astonished when she approached the cart to hear Nina's voice from within. A voice she well remembered from when she was a child though she had not heard it so for many years. She was singing quietly in her odd, husky contralto voice, singing a lullaby, singing the Prince to sleep.

Golden slumbers kiss your eyes,
Smiles awake you when you rise.
Sleep, pretty wanton, do not cry,
And I will sing a lullaby:
Rock them, rock a lullaby.

It was obvious to Illumina as she stood by the cart in the dark that there was more in the song than just the words and Nina's voice. They touched Nina in some way that she could not fathom and she wondered what possible connection there could be between Nina and the Prince that would draw her to him in such a way. Nina sang:

Care is heavy, therefore sleep you;
You are care, and care must keep you.
Sleep, pretty wanton, do not cry,
And I will sing a lullaby:
Rock them, rock a lullaby.

Illumina stood by the cart for sometime listening to Nina sing. She went through the song several times. When the singing stopped, Illumina turned and went back to the fire where she sat and talked with the others until late in the night.

The journey back to Loro took nine days even at the firm pace set by the Margrave. For the first four they traveled close to the river on well-paved roads. It was still autumn in the low country, with heavy mists rising from the river, people still working in the fields and orchards gathering a late harvest.

The day after their first night on the road, Nina traveled in the cart with the Prince. Evidently speaking to him and telling him about the people and things around him. When Illumina came to inquire after Nina, he actually greeted her by name asking if she had slept well. She looked at him somewhat suspiciously, realizing Nina must have told him her name and probably coached him in the use of it. She answered rather coldly that she had slept well and did not return the compliment.

She noticed the Prince walking round the camp at midday in a sensible pair of walking boots though he still had the absurd tights on. These disappeared the following day, being replaced by some heavy woolen pants and a matching wool jacket. Illumina was sure the delay was related to how long it took Nina to alter the garments to fit him. He was smaller than most of the other men. The others were more heavily built, reflecting an active life that required a mass of bone and muscle that the Prince had never had occasion to acquire. Presumably, Nina had obtained a spare set of clothes from someone and altered them to fit the Prince.

Illumina watched him from a distance, not sure what to make of him, of Nina's odd behavior and of the relationship between the two of them. It seemed to her that he had some kind of hold over Nina. She paused as the thought struck her, watching them, wondering if that was what was going on, if the Prince was blackmailing Nina in some way.

Later that day, she took Nina to one side and asked her if she was all right, telling her that no one expected her to look after the Prince, he could look after himself. Nina protested, not to worry, someone had to do it. In that Illumina realized she was right, really he couldn't look after himself. She paused a moment gauging Nina's mood, as ever, finding her hard to read. She felt an obligation to her, feeling she could not just leave Nina to sink or swim on her own so she asked directly, "Is he blackmailing you?"

Nina reacted so violently to the suggestion that Illumina realized there must be something going on. Nina vehemently denied that the Prince was coercing her in anyway. She was just helping him because it needed to be done. As a member of the Margrave's household, it was her business to see to his guests and that was just what she was doing. She went on at length in the same vein, finally standing breathless and upset.

Illumina reached out to her, taking her hand. "Why were you singing a lullaby to him?" Nina whipped her hand away, asking what business was it of hers if she chose to sing to herself at night, what was she doing sneaking around listening like a thief in the night. Illumina was strong and confident in herself and could see that what she heard from Nina was from something not directly related to the two of them, it wasn't from any reaction to her personally. She took Nina in her arms hugging her despite herself and her attempts to pull away.

"Nina don't, please don't turn in anger against me. I promise, I only mean you well. I don't understand what's happening and I'm worried about you." Nina pulled away a little, not in anger this time. She looked at Illumina for a long time. She said that Illumina must leave it, let it go. Nina was doing what she needed to do and the best thing Illumina could do for her was to accept that and leave her to do what had to be done. It all seemed vague to Illumina but she felt she could not press Nina any further, so she hugged her again and let the subject drop.

To follow this thread in the story go to: Feeling the Truth

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